Be back in a few weeks!

I'm moving into a new house that I bought. Escrow is closing at the beginning of next week so until we are moved in I won't be posting any new blogs. Here is a bit of a time line. We will get keys, fix a broken window, paint the entire house, steam clean the carpets, change the locks and then move in. Yikes! Then there is the unpacking of the computer and other stuff and the obtaining of phone, Internet, electrical and propane. It is going to be a busy time for us. I will check back in as often and I can, but no promises until this move settles down. If I don't post before Thanksgiving, have a happy Thanksgiving! Count your blessings!

Giving a Part of My Identity Away Here

Okay, I am going to give away my gender. The reason is because there are some issues surrounding Bipolar Disorder and my gender that should be addressed. So without further ado; I am female. And another tidbit of information about me is that I have no children.

I want children someday, but this requires a lot of planning, contemplating and reality checks. In order to be pregnant I would have to go off of all of my medications. The reason is they are unsafe for a fetus and can be passed to the fetus in utero and to a baby in breast milk. So then I would have to decide whether or not to breast feed. I know what I am like when I am unmedicated and it isn't a reality I want to ever face again. There are only a few medications that are safe to take for pregnant Bipolar women and in my research they are mild and typically ineffective in treating the disorder. To complicate the issue I have an infertility disorder which will make it difficult to conceive. Then there is the issue of my current mental health on my current meds. I still have abnormal highs and lows from time to time despite medication and I wonder if it is fair to subject a child to that. Furthermore Bipolar Disorder can be hereditary. What if my child end up with this disorder. It is difficult to deal with for me and I wouldn't want to knowingly pass that on to another person. Granted I would know how to explain it, what to do and how to speak in an educated manner with the psychiatrist.

I have been battling with this huge decision for a few years. I need to decide soon. My husband wants a child, but completely understands if I feel I can't. He was the one to get me through my darkest moments and is largely responsible for me getting professional help (which led to my diagnosis). He has been 100% supportive of me while Bipolar and everything that goes along with it.

Adoption is out because I can't imagine an agency willing to give a baby to a couple, one of whom is Bipolar. Surrogacy is a possibility, but so expensive, but I want to be pregnant. I want to feel everything there is to feel about pregnancy, labor and delivery. I want to be a mother; to feel what it is like to mold the mind of another person, to raise them in this world to be something they want to be. I am scared to death about going off of my medications. I am 99% sure I would go on fertility drugs to shorten the duration of being off of my medications. I know that I wouldn't breastfeed so that I could get back on my medications as soon as possible. I am still scared to death.

I read a book called Bipolar and Pregnant and that was of some help, but I still have concerns that only I can work out.

Does anyone have similar fears? If you are Male and have a Bipolar wife or girlfriend do you think about these things too? Does anyone have any answers, advise, experience?

-Forever Bipolar

It's been a few days...

I have been AWOL for a few days and I have to keep this short. I have been very sick so I haven't been up to the task of blogging. However, I do have a bit of good news. I did a lot of research on the whole house purchasing front and I got a win....only a day after I did my research and caught the title company in a lie things started moving along again. So we will be moving sometime this month. So away I go packing into the night.

I will blog back in with you as soon as I am feeling better. Until then, keep on learning!