Racing Thoughts

Yup! It is 11:56 PM and I can't fall asleep. Why? Because my mind is racing faster and faster by the second. I think about the new house we are buying, the new paint job we will need, the appliances we bought, the packing still left to do, the waiting for escrow to close. And then there are other thoughts too that seep into my brain. What time do I need to leave tomorrow for that house warming party? Scenes from a television show called Heroes bounces around my mind. I think I ate too much tonight, I am angry at a situation between me and a sibling and I want sex. It wont stop. All these thoughts and it feels like all at once. I could think of an object and end up thinking about something completely unrelated in the end. For example: a red brick - the movie Brick - weird guy that played an alien -Area 51 - Nevada - Las Vegas - gambling - drinking - hotel room -sex.

How abnormal am I to be thinking thoughts like these late at night while I am trying to fall asleep? Keep in mind that I am on a major sedative Klonopin and Ambien a sleeping pill. What is wrong with me?!?! Why can't I fall asleep like my spouse. Their head hits the pillow and they are out like a light. I HAVE INSOMNIA! I hate it but it is true. I have been on every sleeping drug under the sun and nothing really helps. It is a large part of my Bipolar curse. I am so tired all the time.

Things I have tried for sleep: Meditation, Yoga, Regular Exercise (this actually made me more manic), Aromatherapy, Candles With Soothing Music, Ocean Sounds, Sleeping On The Couch, Sleeping On The Futon, Sleeping Without Covers, Sleeping With All The Covers, Valerian Root Tea (don't try this one without talking to your Doctor first because it can negatively interact with your other medications), Chamomile Tea, New Age Foot Bath Reading, Reading, Watching Television, Journaling, Ear Plugs, Massage.

Medications I have tried for sleep: Lunesta, Restoril, Ambien, Sonata, Ativan, Klonopin, Neurontin, Rozerem, Trazodone, Valium, Tylenol PM, Simply Sleep, Excedrine PM, Benadryl

I am at a loss for what to do next. I have been tested for sleep apnea and I don't have that. I have have all my glands checked out, my hormone levels checked, and glucose levels check too. Nothing can explain my horrible insomnia. Who knows how long I will be up tonight. Maybe I will take another Klonopin. The doc says I can take up to two pills if I need to. I just hate when I take another pill and it doesn't work because then I have put something in my body that doesn't need to be there.

At this point I might just write another blog if I don't get some sleep soon.

- Forever Bipolar